I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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