I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
