Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
