peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
