I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
