Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
