Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
