Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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