I wannas sexs uuuuu
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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