Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am naked and annoyed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We need to get me chipped asap
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
