allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
