1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
