Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize