to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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