we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
