I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
