We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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