It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
