GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
