i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
