Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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