What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
