I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
