If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
