I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
