No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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