I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
