no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
