i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
