when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
