Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
