He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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