You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
