so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
