so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
