he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
