Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
