I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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