Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
