I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
