I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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