Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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