There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
