the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
