all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The beers last night were like the tears from god
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
