I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You ate ashes out of my bong
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
