About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
