How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
