dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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