Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
