He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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