He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
