I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
