google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
