I love black thongs
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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