i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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