I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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