nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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