I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
