a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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