Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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