I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
