she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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