Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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