I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
