$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
