Porn is love you can see.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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