Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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