I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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